To the A-Hole in my 12-Step Religious Survivor Group

Aug 14

Dearest J,

I’m so fucking pissed. I am part of a 12 step program specifically DESIGNED for religious abuse survivors. After the 1st meeting, this random dude wanted to talk 1-on-1. However, as someone with little to no understanding of personal boundaries, I spilled my guts talking to this guy. He shared his story, but also made me personally feel uncomfortable in a few ways.

Started from the thing that pissed me off the most:

He asked if I had an issue turning my video on. Yes, I did I told him, but came up with a half-lie that I’m running around my apartment trying to get this roach out of my apartment. I wasn’t lying, but also I didn’t explain: I feel really awkward turning on my video talking to a man (or group of humans) sharing the deepest darkest shit about myself on the internet, and don’t want some fucking creep like him “liking my photo”.
He asked if I had an issue with food. Honestly, this was the moment at the end of our 2 hour convo that creeped me out. What the FUCK does me having eating issues have anything to do with religious trauma? He said something about those in codependency having food issues. Well fuck you, I should’ve told him to shut the fuck up. I said, “no, why?” And he said, “are you offended by that question?” And I said “no” but honestly yes I’m fucking offended. What the actual fuck. Sorry, but I’m saying fuck a lot. FUCK FUCK FUCK. There — fuck my religious oppression and feeling like men are treating me like a meat suit.
He asked what I do for a living. I would’ve rather not answered. Reason being, I don’t want random creeps on the internet finding out my true identity. I want this to be anonymous, and I was told to not include last names or photos by people early on in the program as creepy random dudes on the internet can be exactly that: fucking creepy.
He repeatedly said he really liked talking to me. That was fine, but it made me feel watched. I don’t want to feel watched, and he made it repeatedly obvious that he really enjoyed my “honestly and openeness”. He also said that he passively said the 2 women in his church found out he called them “cute” and that was fucking weird, too. WTF! That they were drawing hearts on his material — honestly wtf honestly.
He said he could give me his number if I’d take it, and I said no. And honestly I just feel really pissed off at myself that I told him I was ‘honored’ he offered it.
I was in a sexual recovery meeting later on and he was in it, for those with recovery. Honestly I’m just really fucking pissed off that he asked me how I’m looking and if I have issues eating, but here I am in a sexual issues meeting. Fucking gross, dude.

I no longer feel safe in these meetings. I’m so angry, I could scream.

Thanks for listening and fuck that guy!