Coming Out Agnostic

Dearest J,

Today I finally admitted to my sister, who is currently in seminary, that I think I’m sincerely agnostic. She went on about the importance of Jesus Christ, and I told her if Jesus did exist I’d go to heaven as I follow his way, but she really freaked out on me about the “way” I said it, and spoke of me needing to believe that he died and resurrected etc, and that he’s my personal Lord and Savior.

And the thing is, in ACIM, I feel it’s very compatible with this ideology.

However, I think deep deep down, I’m still not 100% sure what I think.

After spending SO MUCH TIME in contemplation and studying theology, and really every angle of apologetics, and even the more “new thought” and “new age” side of all of it … and having experienced an NDE … I still have come to the conclusion that I cannot know what will happen after I die, simply because I haven’t experienced it myself. Regardless of however many holy books have been made, or personal opinions or experiences people have had, because I haven’t personally experienced it, I cannot say.

I told my sister, that just as I do not know what it’s like to be biologically male, I do not know what it’d like to biologically die. I cannot say what the “energy” of that experience is.

I can follow the “way” Jesus speaks of, and provide radical forgiveness as through ACIM because I’m so desperate to heal myself … but yeah I dunno.