Dearest J,

Well. Yesterday was a particularly difficult day for me.

In the middle of the night before yesterday, my partner again told me to permanently leave our home.

The following morning, I found out my ex-fiance had gotten married and had a child.

A few days ago, it was another ex’s birthday whom I haven’t talked to in 3 years. The religious one.

And also a few days ago, I saw the first love of my life online, happy and with a girl nearly a decade younger than me, and living in paradise where I would like to be.

Well, that’s a lot of shit hitting a fan.

And in doing so, and realizing the wreckage of my situation, and watching a video like the one below:

… and posting about my “ordination” online and then taking it down, over and over and over again … whereby breaking my anonymity vow. It got me to really be thinking. About ALL of this stuff.

And realizing … what is it that I REALLY WANT.

• Do I have the money to do what I want? If not, how much money do I need? Is there a way to not work more, but move somewhere to make this below dream possible for me?

• What do I want to do?

  • Teach (YouTube + Website):

    • YouTube: be an ACIM teacher — spiritual psychotherapist — and artist

      • Q: Do I dress the way I do, or wear a stole? I mean, I am a Minister now!

      • Q: Should it be weekly on Sundays? Are these actual “Sermons”?

    • Live Courses: teach sessions around the world!

      • Build:

        • Google Doc: open-source ACIM version to be used during lectures

        • Videos (from most to least important)

          • #1: for those doing ACIM

          • #2: for those in recovery

          • #3 for those recovering from religion, but still want some kinda faith

        • Art-and-Journaling App for ACIM journaling

      • Sell:

        • For ACIM:

          • Create a digital ACIM version, which will be spiral bound and hand-made for now

          • Create watercolor art stickers to go inside the ACIM book

        • For Art:

          • Adult courses for flower-art pressed art

          • Sell hand-painted candles

  • Be:

    • Have some chickens and bees!

    • MAYBE have a kid? Not sure. Also ok not having one.