Dearest J,

I’m not sure if I spoke of co-dependency when it comes to health.

• I have nerve issues

  • Scoliosis

  • Lyme Disease

  • Ear Hyperacousia

I am someone with scoliosis, had lyme disease as a young girl which possibly resurfaced 10 years ago, and a mis-fired firework went off in my right ear which caused me to lose my hearing for 3 years and left me with hyperacousia (hyper-sonic sound to certain frequencies in that ear).

All to say, I have nerve issues.

My partner has not really understood this, but when I read this article by the BBC, I teared up because in some weird way, even though I’m not blind, I get it.

Link to BBC Article: “Refused service yet again with my guide dog - I'm done speaking out”

In grad school, to simulate what it’s like having a stroke, I wore a glove for a while trying to handle things. That was really tough. To simulate blindless, we were blindfolded for an hour and asked to follow a map. That was hard. But these were almost insulting to someone who has disaibility, as this is their entire life. Not just an hour or two. But it did help me empathize with people who I might not understand.

I don’t have hair now. And instead of making it a political issue, people should not be so quick to assume that maybe I had hair loss, or maybe I shouldn’t be ASHAMED that I’ve dealt with a tremendous amount of abuse in my life where I became an incessant people pleaser, and this is my way at regaining my own authority over my body regardless of how shameful they make me feel (in this case, my mother and her brother). It makes me sad.

I wish there was a world I lived in that had compassion to people who have difficulties and challenges, it’s very sad when people lack that empathy.

Empathy 101 is what every single person on the planet should learn. Most people don’t understand.

This isn’t about being “woke” but being gentle with people and not limit their freedoms.

When my “partner” who I’m slowly realizing is very abusive, refuses to care about my ear, or my back, or help with basic things … things that would be easy for him and prevent hours of having a headache, or back pain, or sometimes an inability to even walk at all.

I don’t complain, but inside it hurts.

God, please be there for me regardless of people not undrestanding.

In the name of Jesus I pray AMEN <3